Free Writing Day 5

2/8/15

I was thinking today (as I played “Lego: Lord of the Rings” and began reading The Two Towers again) about the “This I Believe” essay a classmate shared, entitled “Frodo Lives”. I was so moved by reading that essay, because there, on my computer screen, was a person who got it. I have often felt weird and alone in my love for Tolkien’s trilogy, because none of my friends truly love it as much as I do. I’m not even sure my parents love it as much as I do, and that’s saying a lot, because they are HUGE Tolkien fans. Other “fandoms” reside here, but for me, Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit are the be all, end all.

For me, the Lord of the Rings trilogy is a way to escape. I can read those novels, and I can be an elf, or a ranger, or a hobbit. I can be a larger-than-life character. I can be right there beside the characters I have loved since I was a child. I cry every time Boromir dies (spoiler alert), I weep with Frodo near the end. I feel my heart racing and the strength and bravery of Eowyn as she faces an unmitigated evil, in a world where men are the warriors. She stands there, alone (except for a small hobbit nearby), and challenges the second most villainous creature in Middle Earth, all in defense of a family member. WOW. 

It is a series that moved me more deeply than any other has been able to, and I’ve read a lot. Many of them are great, but none of them leave me daydreaming for days on end.

I love the movies. No, they do not stick to the books at all, and the director destroyed the essence of many of the characters, but to see a work that I hold near and dear to my heart up on the big screen is amazing. No, the actors aren’t always what I pictured, but some of them are spot on, and the places…oh the places. Whenever the music for Rivendell comes on, and I see that Hidden Valley, I cry. Not ashamed to admit it. I get teary eyed, and think that’s what Heaven must be like. Side note, maybe Heaven is different for each person. Maybe Heaven looks like whatever makes you happiest. If that’s true, then when I get to see my brother again, Middle Earth will be overrun with Spartans from the “Halo” series!

I know it’s common for people to assume that when someone loves fantasy that much, they must have issues. Well, I really don’t. I have a firm grasp on reality, but it’s nice to travel to Middle Earth every once in a while. I never get tired of reading the books. I haven’t been able to watch the movies since my brother died (we were all watching “The Fellowship of the Ring” together the night before he passed away), but I watched them so much in the six years before that happened that I have parts of it committed to memory. And there’s always “The Hobbit” trilogy! I am very excited for the DVD release of the third film, and you’d better believe that this Tolkien nerd will be having an all-day marathon. I might even dig out my elf ears from the release of the second movie, and wear them while I watch.

Namarie, mellon nin. ~K~

Free Writing Day 4

2/7/15

Weekends and Vacations

It’s Saturday. Hallelujah. I love the weekend. I can relax, focus on school, and spend time with my parents. I love being the first one awake, and being able to sit and sip my coffee in silence. Later, I’ll probably cook breakfast, then dive back into my textbooks. Today is my day to make myself do something fun, be it reading, writing, playing Minecraft, or going to the bookstore. It’s hard to really stop working. Even on the precious weekend, I find myself thinking about next week at work, wondering how the kids will be, what Thursday will be like (class parties, woohoo!), etc. To make myself shut that off, to truly jump into my free-time stuff…it’s hard!

How many of us actually enjoy our time off? I was thinking about this last night. So many weekends, I find myself cramming the hours full of “things to do”. Why? Why do we need to fill our empty time? Why don’t we, as human beings, feel comfortable with that “quiet time”? Maybe it’s because we’re not comfortable with our own thoughts. I know I struggle with this sometimes. I need something to distract me from what my brain is trying to think. I’m thinking of vacations here, too. So many years, we planned vacations jam-packed with activities, and returned home more exhausted than when we left. Why? I like the way we do vacations now. We go somewhere, and plan one activity per day, but the rest of the time, we just hang out. We relax, watch movies, go for drives, whatever. It’s much more rejuvenating than an “EPIC!” trip. Maybe I’m just getting old (hahaha), but I prefer calm and easygoing than frantic rushing around trying to see all the sights. Make more than one trip to a destination, make several. See the tourist attractions, but spread them out over your lifetime.

Always take books on vacation. Take a reader, take a bag full of real books. Most of my luggage is usually books…I take one from each genre, just in case. Why? Because vacations are for staying up late, and reading until the sun comes up. I took “To Kill a Mockingbird” on a vacation when I was in middle school, and read it on the way there, while we were there, and again on the way home. I couldn’t put it down…it was amazing, and it required several readings. I have books in my purse, books in my laptop case, books in my clothes bag. I know it sounds weird to take that many books on vacation, a time when you’re supposed to be going out and doing, but I love to have a plethora of choices when we come back to the hotel room.

Speaking of vacations, I can’t wait to add London, Scotland, Italy, and Germany to the list of places I’ve seen. I want to get out of here, I want to travel the world! I feel like Belle from Disney’s “Beauty and the Beast”…”I want adventure in the great, wide somewhere, I want it more than I can tell. And for once, it might be grand to have someone understand…I want so much more than they’ve got planned.” Viva la relaxing vacations!

Free Writing Day 3

2/6/15

Tonight, I went to the store to get some cold medicine for my sick parents. While I was there, I browsed through the Valentine’s aisle…you know, the one that looks like the holiday vomited on the shelves, and saw something that annoyed me greatly. There was a mug that said, “This mug belongs to an intelligent, strong, wonderful man.” I was really excited, thinking that there would be one that said the same thing, but for women. Nope. The one for women said, “This mug belongs to a pretty, generous, chic woman.” While it’s nice to be considered “generous”, I’d like to think that women are worth more than their outside appearance.

Why do things for women focus on society’s standards for beauty, fashion, etc? Why is the idea that a woman can be intelligent and strong not worthy of being put on a mug? It is beyond irritating to me. I am more than a female body. I read, I write, I have educated political debates with friends, I discuss philosophical ideas with my family. I laugh at fashion magazines, I scoff at most beauty products (seriously, those are fake eyelashes in the mascara commercials). I like to put on a lot of eye makeup every once in a while, but it doesn’t matter one way or the other.

I’ve liked things that “girls shouldn’t like” since I was a kid. I watched Power Rangers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Gargoyles. Yes, I watched Sailor Moon and My Little Pony as well, but I never wanted to be left to just one set of things. I dressed up as Storm for Halloween as a kid, but last year I dressed up as Castiel from “Supernatural” (I have a serious crush on that angel, and I found a trench coat at a garage sale for $2).

I see girls in school who feel like being a living Barbie doll is the best they’ll ever achieve, and it makes me sick. Yes, we’re moving forward (slowly but surely), but until we stop seeing people as “female refs” “male cheerleaders”, etc…we’re never going to move past stereotypes. How about if we focus on the fact that we’re all people? Why can’t I have a cheap mug that celebrates my intellect over society’s stereotypes? Why are we still teaching our young girls that if they don't hide their natural beauty behind excessive makeup, if they don't giggle over shoes and fashion and hot guys, they're not worth anything? Why do we build up the intelligence and strength of men, but not women?

On a similar note, I bought myself a cool candy heart that said, “I *heart* me. Happy Singles Awareness Day!” It was awesome. I am blissfully single, enjoying the fact that I’m focus on my family, school, and my career. I don’t have the time or the inclination to deal with the stress associated with Valentine’s Day. Hooray for singleness!

Free Writing Day 2, AKA "Jumbled Mess"

2/5/15

Tonight, I have writer’s block. I can’t think of something that strikes me as “meaningful”, so I think this will be a rambling free write. Rambling. I wonder what the origin of that word is? Words. Words. Words. Words are wonderful things. I wish I knew more, I wish I had the recall I used to, the ability to feel like a walking, talking thesaurus. The last five years have made my brain so full and distracted that I have trouble coming up with the words I want at times.

I’m listening to the soundtrack from “Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers”. Music is such a profound part of my life. I listen to music whenever I can. I love dark, minor-chord filled pieces. I like dark, “angry” bands (Evanescence, Hinder, Korn). I don’t normally like light and happy things like Taylor Swift or The Beach Boys. That being said, I have a diverse taste in music. I’m just as happy listening to Gregorian Chants or Beethoven as I am to The Beatles or Shinedown. I love soundtracks and scores…especially things by Danny Elfman and Howard Shore. Danny Elfman. Whenever I think of him, I think of Tim Burton. He’s one of my favorite directors, although I’m not a fan of his “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”. I fell in love with Edward Scissorhands and Jack Skellington as a kid. I know, I know…I’m a weirdo. I’m proud of it.

I wish I had more time for reading. I miss being able to pick up something besides a textbook. I just don’t have time. I come home from work and do schoolwork for five hours, then I get ready for the next day and crash. I’m really looking forward to Spring Break, and I plan on staying off my laptop and off my phone, and reading like a crazy person. I hope to read at least four books, maybe more.

I can’t focus tonight. I’m just too tired. My sleep was broken by horrible dreams, and I had a hard time falling back asleep after each one that would wake me up. I can’t go to bed yet, because I still have so much to do for this week. I’m glad tomorrow is Friday. Weekends are nice, I can sleep in a little, and I only have to do schoolwork. I know this exhaustion will be worth it when I’m a teacher, and working on other degrees, but right now…I want to sleep!

Word count is really low, comparatively speaking. I’m not typing as fast as I normally do. Now I feel like Doug the Dog from the movie “Up”…”Squirrel!”. Sheesh. Dogs. My dog is adorable. He can be a pain in the booty, but he’s adorable. He always knows when I’m sleepy and down, and he’ll come over and demand to be petted. Silly goose.

Oh! New “Big Bang Theory” and “Elementary” tonight. I wonder if I’ll actually be awake to watch “Elementary” this week.  "Squirrel!" 

Know Your Audience Analysis

Upon reading and responding to all posts made in the “Know Your Audience” discussion board, I feel as though I have a better understanding of my classmates. I was, in all honesty, surprised by the response to my question, “Have you ever written a fanfiction?” In my small circle of friends, fanfictions are commonplace. We share ideas, mourn over what we should have thought of, and watch movies & read books with the occasional intent of adding our own flair to them. When I saw that only one or two of my classmates had written them (or even heard of them), I was flabbergasted.

As far as the questions posed by my fellow students, I completely expected the “Where would you go on vacation” and “What would you do with lottery winnings”. These are great questions, as they can give you insight into what motivates/is important to a person. There were a few unique and unexpected questions, including things like “What color is your attitude” (Ms. A), which band best fits my personality (R.L.), and which conspiracy theories I’m most interested in (T.C.). All of these questions made me pause for a moment, and consider things I had never really thought about before. To me, questions like these that are outside “the box” are awesome.

Based on what I learned from this experience, I plan to include more outside the box thinking, and plan to challenge my classmates with questions during our future discussions. I will look for things that are unexpected, while staying in the realm of the required, because (for those that posed such questions during the past board) such queries cause critical and in depth thinking, not simple rote answers. I believe that increasing our critical thinking and deep consideration will help us as writers, and so I hope to see more questions of that nature in the future.

~K~

Freewriting Day 1

2/4/15

I was really struck by a line from my choice for the “This I Believe” essay ("God is the Father of All Men") about doing things you love. I believe that doing things you love is incredibly important, and I don’t think most of us do it enough. We need to be aware of how much things we don’t love can drag us down and crush our creative souls. I know for me personally, working under another person, not being the one who can utilize their ideas and implement changes can be very frustrating. I reached the point a couple of years ago where I refused to offer any ideas for crafts, lessons, whatever, because I got tired of them being rejected due to the fact that I was “just the para”. I can’t wait until I have my own classroom, and can let my creative flag fly. I know that not everything will work, nor will it be feasible, but just to have the freedom to try, to be able to spread my wings and do what I love…that will be wonderful.

I love my family. I love them more than I can possibly describe in words. I do whatever I can for them, every single day. I know what it’s like when someone you cherish is ripped away from you, and I know what it’s like to feel like you failed, that you didn’t do enough for them. I know what it’s like to feel like you didn’t show them enough of that spirit of love. So my philosophy became this: Everything you do, do it in love, if possible. I do things for my parents because I love doing them, I love being able to help them and provide for them, just like they have all these years.

I love reading. I am a total bookworm. I walk into Barnes and Noble and feel right at home. I buy books because I love them. I read books from any and every genre, because I love them. I love reading, I love being transported to new places, I love reading history and learning new things. I am always in the middle of a book, because it is something I love.

I love to write. Why? Because I can express myself. I can let the things that inspire me, be it a book or a movie, drive me to create characters, to create worlds, to escape from reality. I can sit down with a notebook and a pen and write for hours on end, because it is something I love to do.

Learning. Sometimes I question why I want to earn as many degrees as I do, and then I remember. I love to learn. I love to read through a textbook and have my mind enhanced. I love to be able to discuss the things I’ve learned with family, friends, coworkers, whomever. I love the feeling of knowledge…I feel like I’m not quite as in the dark as I was before I took the class, read the book, etc. I suffer from extremely low self-esteem when it comes to my mind, and taking classes helps me feel more confident. I also love how it is impossible to learn everything. Even in a chosen field, things are constantly being revamped. Technologies evolve, theories change, and countries divide. I’ll never know everything, and that’s exciting. I will be able to learn my entire life, and that thought makes me happy.

I love working with kids. It’s why I went into education. I love seeing the lightbulb come on after working with a kid on something for weeks. I love when they own what you’ve taught them, and want to ask questions that take them deeper into the subject. I love the way my brain is engaged when I’m helping a kid to learn. “The Miracle Worker” is probably one of the most inspiring books and movies I’ve ever read. The moment when Helen Keller realizes that the finger spellings mean something, that things have a name…I cry every time I see/read it. I want to be Annie Sullivan when I become a teacher.

I love music. I should have never dropped out of my orchestral studies. Music touches my soul, and I love to play and listen to it. I should play my viola more, because it is something I love. When I play my viola, I feel alive. I know that sounds cheesy, but it’s true. As my fingers fly up and down the strings, the world melts away, and (again, cheesy) my heart sings with my instrument.

I’m going to make 2015 the year to find more things that I love. I’m going to do things that fill my heart with joy, because I can. 

C'est Mon Credo

Google the words to the Apostle’s Creed. That essentially sums up my religious views.

I love my family more than myself, I would do anything to protect them. I am never angrier than when someone hurts my loved ones, I have bitten the heads off of some of my closest friends in defense of family.

I believe in equality. No one is below your notice, everyone is important. Treat everyone with a certain amount of respect, unless they do something to lose it. I’ll trust you until you give me cause not to, then I’ll give you hundreds of chances…but the trust and relationship will ebb away a little more each time. I hate being overlooked by people who believe they are above me, for whatever reason. We are all on equal footing.

Special needs does not mean incompetent. Just because it takes a child with Down Syndrome five months of stubborn battles with their teacher before they will sign “Hello” to someone does not mean that they are incapable. Calling them “unteachable”, to say that they cannot achieve things because of their diagnosis is a sin. They may need more prodding, but they can and will achieve great things, if you set the bar for them. Expect them to be dimwitted and helpless, & they will not disappoint. Expect them to learn sign language, their colors, how to act around others, to read, to write….they will not disappoint. If I could, I’d shout this from the rooftops: Push them!