Free Writing Day 12

Finish

2/15/15

Today, Mom and I were talking about how we both need to complete our novels. It doesn’t matter if it’s perfect, it doesn’t matter if it contains everything you want…just finish it. Put the pen to the paper, the fingers to the keyboard, and finish. Go back and edit later. I get so stuck in rewriting certain segments that I get bogged down and never finish a book. I need to work on being able to tie up a story, and then worry about polishing it.

I would love to look at something I had written and say, “Yep, I did that. I finished writing a book.” I’m not sure I would ever send it to a publisher, but who knows? The world is my oyster, as the saying goes, and I can do anything I want. I just need the drive and the discipline to make it happen. I know that I have it in me, it’s just making the time for yet another commitment.

I should like very much to attempt to write both a fantasy adventure and a real-life tale. I would push myself to do the latter only for the sake of branching out of my comfort zone. My Mom also suggested that I write a book on grieving. I think this might be a beneficial exercise for me, to catalogue my pain and give words of advice to those going through the same thing, and also to the people who are in their lives.

This summer (after I finish yet another class), I’m going to put the pedal to the metal and finish one of the books I’ve started. I currently have around five skeletons of stories, and a trilogy. I think I’ll work on completing book one of the trilogy, and possibly one of the other stories as well. Then I’ll go back to school and work full time in the fall, and maybe work on another section of my works over an extended break, like Christmas. My goal is to have everything that I’ve started finished by the time I graduate with my teaching degree. Maybe after I get my own classroom, I’ll feel confident enough to send one of them off for review. Who knows?

So, classmates, if you have a projected started, make the time to finish it. It helps you feel accomplished, and as though you can do anything you set your mind to. Yes, it’s hard to find time in our busy schedules, it’s hard to balance work, school, and family, but the time to do the things that inspire us is now. Don’t put it off, or you’ll end up regretting it later.

Namarie, my fellow hard-workers.

~K~

Free Writing Day 11

Valentine's Day, and Trees

2/14/15

Today is Valentine's Day. I am blissfully single. No, really. I couldn't be happier with that fact. I have seen too many people who settled just for the sake of "being with someone", and they're miserable. I am patient enough to wait for someone I deserve, and who deserves me...I'm not going to throw away my happiness because society judges me for being single.

That being said, I had a wonderful day with my parents. We had gone up to Bennett Spring State Park yesterday, and we were just enjoying the beauty. It's amazingly peaceful and relaxing to be completely away from the city and the noise. I'm getting ready to gleefully kick them out the door and send them to a romantic dinner so that I can have some alone time. Bad movies, Backstreet Boys, wine, and video games, here I come!

All morning, I was surrounded by trees. Trees and silence. It was spectacular. I can't even really find the words. I am so busy and stressed out this semester, I desperately need that time away from it all. I am an extremely introverted person, and so being able to disappear into the woods and not see or hear another person for half an hour was the perfect recharge. I came home feeling totally refreshed and ready for next week.

Sometimes I think about moving to London...then I realize that I would actually want to move to a smaller town near London proper, so I could be away from people and near trees. I know, I know...social contact is necessary for survival, but I only need small doses!

I hope everyone has had a nice day today. I hope you got to spend time with someone you love, be it a romantic partner, family, or friends. Make sure you tell the people you cherish that you love them whenever you can...don't wait for a commercialized holiday in February! <3

Namarie, compadres.
~K~

Free Writing Day 10

Vampires

2/13/15

This week, I bought myself a copy of “Dracula Untold”. It’s just another in the long string of vampire movies I have come to love. I have read Bram Stoker’s “Dracula” several times, and have watched so many films, I’ve lost count. My absolute favorite vampire movie is Bela Lugosi’s “Dracula” from the 1930s. I compare every other vampire movie to this one.

I prefer the vampires to be creatures of darkness, as they were in the original novel and old legends. The notion of romantic vampires was odd to me, until I saw Gary Oldman’s version. It showed the other side of the monster…the part that had once been human. He was still this terrifying, evil creature who devoured the innocent, but he was also a man whose broken heart had led him down that path.

I like the Twilight books. I read New Moon in one night (I was up until 3:00 in the morning!). Yes, it’s geared for an eighth grade audience. Yes, it’s full of crappy relationship advice and sappy moments, and yes…the vampires are the objects of desire instead of fear and loathing, but it was cute. I’m personally “Team Jacob”, because if someone who claimed to love me left and caused me that much pain, I could never forgive them. I know myself well enough to accept this fact. The werewolf would win.

When I was a kid, I used to wonder what it would be like to become a vampire. I thought it would be cool to live here forever, to be a creature of the night, to live in darkness. I thought it would be cool to be pale (I already fit that bill), to be considered an “other-worldly” beauty…to be powerful. As I grew up and started experiencing the true horrors of the world, I began to realize that living here, like this, forever…it was not something I really wanted. I still watch vampire movies with the same zest and zeal as I always have, but I no longer think it would be fun to be one. I don’t mind getting older, I don’t mind the idea of dying someday. It’s part of a natural process, and while it’s intriguing to consider bypassing it, at the end of the day I would always choose mortality…even if Frank Langella came up in his vampire garb and offered me otherwise. =D

Namarie, night creatures.

~K~

Free Writing Day 9

Tonight, as I was letting myself daydream about chapters I want to write in my novel, I was struck by how much a certain song or type of music can influence what you write. For example, when I listen to “Two Steps from Hell”, I think of fierce battle scenes, full of heroics and terror. When I listen to Phillip Wesley, I think of sad, mournful characters facing some hardship. When I listen to specific soundtracks, I think of certain kinds of characters. Listening to the soundtrack from “Only Lovers Left Alive” makes me think of vampires, listening to anything by Howard Shore makes me think of the Tolkien-based movies.

I always write more effectively when I have music playing in the background. That being said, I can’t listen to music with lyrics, or my inclination is to sing along rather than to write. I do much better with faster-paced instrumental pieces. I struggle to write without music. Actually, I struggle to do a great many things without music, from housework to homework. I have spent so much of my life listening to music, that it is a vital part of who I am. I always have music playing in my head, and so it’s better to have it playing externally instead, I guess.

I know there are studies that show you can’t focus as well with music or other distractions, but I don’t think this is the case for me. For example, I am typing rather fast right now, and I have a very quick-paced piece of music playing in my headphone.

I feel like I’m rambling. Oh well! I’m exhausted. I suppose a bit of rambling is to be expected. On a bunny trail…I like to type with my eyes closed. I spend so much time attached to this keyboard, it’s nice to know I have the keys memorized.

I’m glad tomorrow is only a half-day of work. I can get more homework done, and hopefully listen to some new music while I’m at it. Does anyone reading this have any suggestions?

~K~

Free Writing Day 8

Teaching Multiplication to the “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”

For the past couple of weeks, I have been teaching a group of students their multiplication tables. We’ve made it up to the fives, and after each set, we’ve been filling in a blank chart to reiterate the lesson. Today, while we were filling it in, 0-5, I began to remind them that they could use this chart as a reference if they weren’t sure of an answer. “Have you guys seen ‘Star Wars’?” I asked, to which I got a resounding “No!” (Disappointing, but what can you do?). So, as I was wearing my “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” shirt (the old school cartoon ones, not the new CGI guys), I said, “Ok. In ‘Star Wars’, they say, “Use the Force, Luke!” Since you guys have never seen it, how about if I say, “Use the chart!” It was then that one of the students said, “Oooo! You can give us turtle names. We can be team turtle!” So, they each picked their favorite turtle. It worked out perfectly, because they gave me the name Donatello, and he happens to be my favorite ninja turtle. The main teacher was given the nickname “Master Splinter”, and unknown multiplication problems were given the name “Shredder” (for those who don’t know, he’s the main bad guy of the stories). For the next fifteen minutes, I would ask them a multiplication problem by saying, “Ok Michaelangelo, use the chart and tell me what 6x5 is!” They found this to be very exciting, and I feel like it will help make the times tables stick in their minds.

It’s moments like this that make me want to continue on and finish my teaching degree. I love it when the figurative light bulb goes off over their heads!

Free Writing Day 7

Overwhelmed and Frustrated

I feel like I’m just keeping my head above water. This semester is tough. So much stuff going on at work, and the work load in school is only getting bigger. I feel like I never have enough time to rest, and I wake up every morning wishing it was the weekend so I could sleep until 7:00 or 8:00.

I am frustrated for feeling this way. I am the one who chose to take this many hours while working full time. I know I can do it, and I know I’ll make it, but I feel bad for feeling bad. It’s a vicious cycle, folks.

I can’t focus very well tonight. Every little thing is distracting me. I’m multi-tasking by watching an episode of “Britain’s Biggest Hoarders” for another course, so I’m sure that’s not helping. We all think we’re hoarders until we watch an episode of a show like this. I understand how easy it can be to let the hoarding happen. We have way too much stuff, and so much of it has sentimental value…it’s hard to let go of things without hoarding disorder to boot. I think the people who take the time to help the hoarders sort through their belongings are remarkable. I just heard the term “professional de-clutterer”. What a job to have!

And I’m back to feeling stressed. I have so much reading to do, plus five papers, discussion boards, and blogs this week. AHHHH. If anyone knows of some good ways to get rid of stress, please share!

Namarie,

~K~

Feeling What You Feel (Free Writing Day 6)

2/9/15

I had a great conversation over the weekend with a friend who lives far, far away in New York. I was having a rough day, missing my brother even more than usual, and posted something on social media about it. My friend wrote to me, sent me Mariah Carey songs, and encouraged me to feel what I was feeling. He told me to not let anyone tell me what I was feeling was wrong, or that I should be better by now. He reminded me that the pain is the testament to how much I love my brother, and that can’t possibly be a bad thing.

Conversations like that make me want to write a book to teach people how to relate to their friends who are grieving. Grief is a life-long process. I will never be over the death of my brother, nor should I be. There is no magic number for the passage of time that will make me “ok”. My life has been changed, and the new me is just as good as the old one. Yes, I get super sad some days. Yes, I just want to lay in bed and be depressed, but I make myself get up and function. I make myself go to work and give 150% to the kids, and then come home and fall apart. And you know something? There’s nothing wrong with that. Not one thing. My friend reminded me that I should focus more on taking care of me, and not worry what others think, that I should cling to that pain and that love, because it’s a part of who I am.

Never tell someone who’s grieving that their loved one is in a better place, and they should be happy about that. Seriously. First, they may not believe the same way you do, and second…that is cold comfort. Yes, I believe my brother is in Heaven…but I want him here with me. I want my parents to be whole again. So yeah, he’s better off, but we’re not, and the reminder hurts. I know it’s given in a good spirit, but it’s not as helpful as you might think. Please don’t say, “They would want you to…” whatever. Again, that’s good-spirited, but the simple fact of the matter is that our loved ones would understand the days where we collapse under the weight of their loss. I choose to believe that it would be the same if the situation were reversed.

I know that this can come across as rude, or ungrateful, but please believe me when I say that’s not the case. I love each and every one of my friends who just wanted me to be ok. I get it. It’s awkward, and you’re so desperate to say the right thing, that you end up falling back on sayings that have been around forever.

It’s ok. Just try this. In truth, one of the best things you can say to someone who’s grieving is, “I don’t know how you’re feeling. I won’t pretend like I do…but I’m here if you need me.” Which is, by the way, what my sweet New York friend told me in closing over the weekend. Once you’ve said those magic words, just be there. Offer a hug, or a cup of coffee…just something to show your love and support. I promise that will mean so much more than cliché words.