"Live long and prosper."

As I'm sure most of you know, Leonard Nimoy passed away on Friday.

I grew up watching the original "Star Trek" series and movies. I knew who Mr. Spock was from the time I was four. I knew him from a small part in the classic horror film "Them".

This year, a student and I share a "secret" handshake. We do the Vulcan "live long and prosper" hand sign.

Needless to say, I was rather sad at his passing. I had to find a few moments to myself at work to shed a few tears.

Rest in peace, Mr. Nimoy. You lived long, you prospered, and you inspired the many.

Reflection Blog Post

3/1/15

I have been contemplating how to complete this assignment all week. I have many feelings on the subject of such a reflection, and have finally settled on this.

This assignment, while it has been different, has not inspired me or built my confidence as a writer. If I had to narrow down the slim lessons learned and sum them up in one sentence, it would be this: Do what you are supposed to do, even if it seems fruitless and frustrating.

I am certain that if there had been feedback, a guiding hand to lead me down the road to what this assignment was supposed to achieve, I would have enjoyed it more. As it stands, I find myself uncertain and insecure about my abilities as a writer, which is something I have never experienced before. I do not know if I am doing this in a satisfactory manner, I do not know if I have met the assignment parameters. I do not know, I do not know. I do not like not knowing. It goes against my grain.

I am hoping for a better second half to this semester. I am hoping to learn and grow as a writer, to learn more abilities and improve my style. I hope to receive the feedback I need to make these things happen. Above all else, I suppose...I want to know.

Namarie,
~K~

Free Writing Post 26 (last one!)

2/28/15

We might get three to five inches of snow today. I know a lot of people here are sick of the winter weather, but I'm loving it. Tomorrow is March 1st, and so I know I probably won't be getting much more snow this year...I have to enjoy it while I can!

I am not a summer person. I don't like being hot, I don't like feeling as though my skin is going to melt off. Give me a cold winter's day anytime. I would much rather bundle up in blankets, sip coffee, and read than go outside and sweat.

In other news, I saw an article about a Middle Earth theme park being considered in Spain. I was way more excited than I probably should have been, but who cares? Maybe a trip over there will be my gift to myself on my 35th birthday.

If you haven't seen Gandalf the Grey parody video for "Fifty Shades", you should go watch it. No, seriously. Hop over to YouTube now. It made me laugh a lot!

On today's agenda: Finishing homework for this week, cleaning the house, and hanging out with one of my best friends (weather permitting, haha). I'm still struggling with how to do my reflection post tomorrow...but I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Namarie, Snow Bugs
~K~

Free Writing Post 25

2/27/15

In Memoriam

I really struggled with what to write tonight. I've been sitting here with blogger.com open for two hours, and kept putting it off, because I was so uninspired.

While talking with a classmate (by the way, the six degrees of separation thing is SO true!), I was thinking about the young people I know who have passed away too soon. She and I have a mutual friend, a girl named Haley. She passed away from ALS almost six years ago. Wow. As I'm typing this, I can't believe it's been that long. Wow, wow, wow. She was an amazingly sweet young woman, who was spunky and full of life. She and I became friends, and I am still friends with her mom...she was taken away far too soon.

Another young lady I had the privilege to work with was J.J. Johal. She had MS, and I was able to become her friend as well through my job. We stayed in touch until her death a couple of years ago.

The biggest loss has definitely been my baby brother. He passed away from complications of Crohn's Disease in November 2010. I know how the families of those girls must feel. I know the pain and devastation that kind of death brings. You think you have all the time in the world, and then...they're gone. Grief makes you an island, and it casts a shadow on everything. It can strike in an instant. You think you're doing ok, and then BAM! You're overwhelmed with memories.

So, in closing...take the time to tell your family and friends that you love them. Give them a hug whenever you see them, because you never know.

Namarie,
~K~

Free Writing Post 24

2/26/15

What do you mean, "Elementary" won't be on tonight because of the Victoria's Secret Show? What is this heresy?

This makes me really upset, and not just because I have to miss a Sherlock story. The whole campaign bothers me. Sickly skinny women parading around in lingerie, and it's advertised almost like it's a huge sporting event. Endless commercials, and an announcer who tells me it's "guaranteed to raise your temperature". Well, I've got news for you, buddy...the only reason my temperature is rising is because you're taking the place of my show!

I'm not saying I only watch things that are considered "nerdy", because I don't. I have binge-watched "America's Next Top Model" and "Sex and the City", and I love them both. I will say that SatC at least shows women working, living "normal" lives, etc, etc, and ANTM is just fun. But come on...don't take away my Sherlock to plaster TV screens with scantily clad women. Sheesh.

So now, I have an extra hour of time tonight. I may watch some "Doctor Who" or "The Borgias". I don't know. Yes, I could use the time to study, read ahead, whatever...but I want my relax time!

Namarie,
~K~

Free Writing Post 23

2/25/15

Tonight, I'm working on my Commemorative Speech assignment for my Public Speaking class. I chose to pay tribute to my brother, William.

I plan to talk about how selfless he was, how loving he was, and how he influenced me, even though he was five years younger.

My brother was (and is) an amazing person. He would give you the shirt off his back. I know that's a cliche saying, but it's true. We had a friend of his who stayed with us for a long time to escape a horrible home life, and my brother let him wear whatever he wanted after his mom refused to give him access to his own clothes.

This same friend turned around and lashed out at my brother, time and time again. He would abandon my brother in favor of "better" or "more exciting" plans...but my brother was always there to pick up the pieces. Even when this friend sent an email full of hate, my brother forgave him almost instantly, and wanted to fix things. In churches where he was persecuted-- yes, persecuted-- for being a public school kid or for not belonging to the same denomination his whole life, he still reached out to anyone and everyone, striving to make sure they were included and felt loved.

These two things affected me, even though I'm the older sibling. I tend to be more harsh, and less forgiving of people who wrong my family. He showed me what it is to be forgiving, and since his death, I've worked really hard to forgive the aforementioned friend, and those who hurt him.

I wish he could have been around for many more years, to teach me more. And to make me laugh.

Free Writing Post 22

2/25/15

Benedict Cumberbatch is an amazing person. No, sorry, it's not up for debate. Here's why.

He is goofy, and doesn't care what the "norm" is in Hollywood. Here he is, doing a couple of photo bombs:

He is also deeply grateful to his fans, and is immensely kind to them. He sent a letter to the friends and family of a fan who passed away from cancer, expressing his sadness at being unable to attend. How amazing is that? He poses for endless "selfies" and signs autographs with smiles and kind words.

Benedict recently married Sophie Turner. On Valentine's Day. You know what that is? It's a romance overload. A friend of mine shared an article on Facebook tonight about the happy couple. Mr. Cumberbatch always takes the time to ask his pregnant wife if she's okay. While they were at the Oscar's the other night, he leaned over and asked this question, then gave her a kiss on the cheek. At the BAFTAs, when cameras were going nuts, he stopped to ask her if she was alright, and when he was being pulled away for interviews, he stopped in the middle of a crowd to ask her if she was...you guessed it...going to be okay. WOW.

So there you have it. Not only is Benedict Cumberbatch an amazing actor (voicing Smaug, playing Khan, and portraying Alan Turing, not to mention SHERLOCK...I mean, come on!), he's also a pretty amazing person. And he's gorgeous. I'll just leave this here for you.

Namarie, CumberCollective

http://www.buzzfeed.com/elliewoodward/cumbercute-klaxon?bffb&utm_term=4ldqpgp#.stlnoRROP

http://m.warringtonguardian.co.uk/news/11811944.Benedict_Cumberbatch_pays_tribute_to_super_fan_following_death/?ref=twtrec

Free Writing Post 21

2/23/15

I'm taking a break from writing a paper for abnormal psychology. As part of my research method, I've been listening to Nirvana (the paper is on Kurt Cobain and his struggle with mood disorders). This led me to listen to other bands from waaaaaaay back when, including The Cranberries, Savage Garden, and The Kinks, among others.

I'm currently listening to "Truly, Madly, Deeply" by Savage Garden. It's interesting that a song I considered to be one of the most beautiful love songs ever written has been replaced by things like "Turning Page" by Sleeping at Last and "You Are So Beautiful" by Joe Cocker. It made me think of how we evolve as we grow older and experience more and more. What my parents refer to as "bubblegum" music is great when you're a preteen and don't have a clue what deep, life-changing emotions (such as real love) are. Then you grow up and understand that love is more than butterflies in your stomach, more than holding hands and kissing. Sometimes, it's two broken souls hashing out a life together.

Sometimes, you feel drawn to darker music. I've had more people than I care to count tell me that I have a dark side, and it's expressed in the music I listen to and the films I enjoy. I'm a big fan of almost everything Tim Burton, and I listen to music that can express my pain better than I can. Bands like Hinder, Evanescence, Radiohead, and Nirvana have helped me when I couldn't quite put my feelings to words. Even just the music, not necessarily the lyrics, can be incredibly cathartic.

After my brother died, I found myself losing myself in music at every opportunity. It was the way I could escape, and it is the way I let go of everything I keep pent up.

In closing...Kurt Cobain was an amazing musician. He put his heart and soul into his songs, and they were full of pain and beauty. Wow. His loss was a tragedy on every level.

Namarie once more, compadres.
~K~

Free Writing post 20

2/23/15

I missed posting yesterday. I just had so many other things to do, and time got away from me. Oh well.

"Then something Tookish woke up inside him, and he wished to go and see the great mountains, and hear the pine-trees and the waterfalls, and explore the caves, and wear a sword instead of a walking stick. He looked out of the window. The stars were out in a dark sky above the trees. He thought of the jewels of the dwarves shining in dark caverns. Suddenly in the wood beyond The Water a flame leapt up-- probably somebody lighting a wood-fire-- and he thought of plundering dragons settling on his quiet Hill and kindling it all to flames. He shuddered; and very quickly he was plain Mr. Baggins of Bag-End, Under-Hill, again."

This is one of the most inspiring parts of the book The Hobbit, at least for me. I have "Something Tookish" tattooed on my wrist to remind me of my drive to go on an adventure. I've always been a homebody, not interested in adventures or anything like that. Now that I'm approaching thirty, I kind of want to get out there and see some things. Good things. I've seen enough bad things to last me a lifetime. I want to go to London, to New Zealand, back to Colorado...I want to walk on roads where Tolkien and Austen walked, where the cast of the Lord of the Rings movies walked...I want to put on my elf ears and pretend I'm walking through Lothlorien.

That trip will be my grand adventure. I may even buy a walking stick (because swords aren't allowed on planes!).

Go on an adventure.

~Namarie~

Free Writing Day 19

2/21/15

We are watching the Svengoolie show, and he is featuring the film "Monolith Monsters". As I'm watching it, I realize that all the modern day movies wouldn't be possible without these "cheesy" early flicks from the forties and fifties. Everything requires the past to build upon.

The movie "Tron" was amazingly advanced for its day. Without it, we probably wouldn't have the incredible CGI we experience today. The same could be said of music and books as well. If it weren't for earlier bands like The Beatles and The Stones, many of the modern rock bands wouldn't exist. Without Tolkien, it's possible that George R.R. Martin and David Eddings wouldn't have been inspired to write their amazing series.

I wonder how much this can be transferred to our everyday lives. If we don't build on our past, nothing new will ever happen. If we don't take the inspiration of others and make it our own, we're just going through the motions of life.

I take a lot from women like Susan B. Anthony and Cleopatra. I know that Cleo is frowned upon by a lot of people, but she took power and used it to every advantage. She didn't allow the fact that she was a female to hold her back. I choose to view that as inspiration. I'm not going to be held back because of my gender. Like Susan, I'm going to push the boundaries that still exist for women, and I'm going to see if I can make them change. Not by myself, of course...I'm hoping that others will be just as inspired as I am.

The reading from our class called "It Takes Practice" just popped into my mind while I was typing. If we want to truly bring about change, it takes practice. We can't make it happen in an instant. We have to live our lives in the practice of change. We have to practice making our viewpoints heard, we have to practice making them sound valid to others.

We have to learn from the past and practice its principles.

Namarie, Practitioners
~K~

Free Writing Day 17

2/20/15

Why do the short work weeks always seem longer? I only had to work two days this week, due to the holiday and snow days, but I am sitting here, utterly exhausted. I'm not sure why. I can't focus to save me, and I have two tests this weekend, plus more reading than I know how to tackle.

This too shall pass.

My post tonight is going to be short, because (quite frankly), I am swamped with work, and need to devote my time to other things.. I hope you all stay safe and warm as the next batch of weather moves in.

Namarie.
~K~

Free Writing Day 16

2/19/15

I am so angry right now. I just feel like commitment and loyalty don't mean anything anymore. I have friends who are going through divorces, cheating spouses, and bad breakups. They're being used and abused, as am I, and it just makes me want to scream.

Didn't we all learn in grade school that being honest was important? Didn't we learn that to be a good friend meant thinking about the other person's feelings as well as your own, sometimes even putting them ahead of your own?

I get that a lifelong commitment to another human being is tough. It's why I haven't accepted or really been interested in any offers. I will NOT rush into marriage, because I take those vows really seriously. If you're not happy, try your hardest to work it out. I'm not talking about physical or emotional abuse. No one should put up with that. If you're unhappy, try counseling. Try talking. Try listening.

Don't cheat on your significant other. At all. Emotionally or physically. Just don't. Give them a clean break. Don't sully the bond between you by dragging someone else into something so intimate as a marriage. JUST DON'T.

I'm sorry if this post sounds harsh, or if you're thinking, "Oh, she's single, she doesn't know." Maybe I don't...but being honest and holding to vows you make seems like a big deal...something everyone should at least TRY to do.

Namarie,
~K~

Free Writing Day 15

"Buffy" and Another Snow Day

2/18/15

I'm sitting here, huddled under a blanket while watching episodes of "Buffy: The Vampire Slayer" with my Mom. I am incredibly grateful for the additional snow day...I've been working on homework all morning, and have most of my assignments for this week and some for next completed. After lunch, I think I'll start catching up on my readings for my classes. With the work load we've had this semester, I've fallen behind, only able to read what I need for quizzes and assignments. I hate learning like that. I want to read the entire chapter and take notes!

I would love to have a snow week, in a way. I know Spring Break is right around the corner, but time off to rest and catch up is always nice. 

I used to watch Buffy every morning before school during high school. I'm not sure why, because it's cheesy as all get out, but I absolutely love it. Between Spike and Xander's quippy hatred of one another, and Buffy's adorable one liners...it's awesome.

We're watching the episode where Giles gets turned into a demon. I have to say...I've always been Team Riley. I know everyone's all "gaga" over Angel, but I think Riley was the best choice for her. Spike was a close second. A human guy who could keep up with her intellectually and physically, plus someone who could understand her hidden life. She would never be happy with a "nice normal guy", and she couldn't ever truly reconcile being with a vampire, either.

I think it's time for some hot chocolate and mini pretzels. 

Namarie.

~K~

Free Writing Day 14

Loki vs. Thor

2/17/15

I am a huge fan of the Marvel movies. I've watched "The Avengers" and the "Thor" movies more times than I can count. That being said, I got into a conversation not that long ago about who was better, Thor or Loki. I was adamant that Loki was the better person, and they were just as convinced that Thor took that title.

Characters like Loki are often viewed as jerks, and ultimate evil. I disagree. As a student of psychology, I enjoy taking a character apart, analyzing them and their motives.

While it's true that Thor is the extreme good, this does nothing for me. He's too altruistic. Everything he does from a certain point on are for the good of others. There's no real brokenness in him. Loki, on the other hand, is a shattered individual. I subscribe to the psychodynamic model of abnormal psychology, which states that all of our abnormal behaviors can be explained by events that happened in our pasts.

So, from a scientific viewpoint, let's analyze Loki. He was taken from his home as an infant, and adopted by the royal family of Asgard. He grew up in the shadow of the "golden child", the child that everyone adored. He was (more than likely) shoved to the side to make way for Thor and his accomplishments. He spent his whole childhood and adolescence trying to prove himself, but to no avail. He learns of his true parentage, and realizes that he is, essentially, a monster.

What would this cause in a person? For starters, it would certainly explain his devious and deceptive nature. When you spend your life pretending you're ok, and that you're happy for yourself and those around you, you learn to lie well. Even his attempts to gain power were just the result of that orphaned boy trying to prove himself to those who rarely noticed him.

I guess, if I could sum it up, I would say that I am more drawn to people and characters who are damaged. Abnormal psychology, even in its mildest form, is fascinating, and it helps me connect better with them.

Plus, how could you deny that this man is drop-dead gorgeous? AND HE READS VORACIOUSLY! ;D

Alright, enough nerding out for one night.

Namarie, Asgardians.

Free Writing Day 13

Snowy Days and "Star Wars"

2/16/15

This morning, I am immensely grateful for the electric fireplace we brought back from my grandma's house. I am currently sitting beside it, feeling the way its warmth combats the chilly air around me. It's really pretty to look at to boot. I am also grateful for the invention known as coffee; that wonderful brown liquid that makes functioning a possibility each morning. On snowy days like today, I love nothing more than wrapping my hands around my hot mug and curling up with a good book. That will have to wait until this afternoon, when I've finished a fraction of the Herculean amount of schoolwork for this week. *sigh*

I am also enjoying a nice cup of "Star Wars" yogurt. Yes, that's right...I'm eating strawberry banana yogurt in a Darth Vader cup. I had a mini nerd girl moment when I discovered the package at the store yesterday...and my excitement earned me a few "What's up with that crazy lady" stares. Ask me if I care. Go ahead, ask me. Nope, sure don't!

My parents are both home with me, which is nice. I was worried about my Dad driving to work before the sun came up, because the roads are apparently really bad. I'm glad we can all be home together, safe and warm. I may try to talk them into watching "The Fifth Estate" later...and I need to catch up on "Supernatural" before tomorrow night's new episode. I'm four weeks behind, due to the amount of homework I've had each week. *another sigh*

If I muster up the courage, I might just go build a snowman and/or snow sculptures. I wonder if my limited artistic abilities would permit me to create Bag End? Haha, probably not.

Namarie, Snow People.

Free Writing Day 12

Finish

2/15/15

Today, Mom and I were talking about how we both need to complete our novels. It doesn’t matter if it’s perfect, it doesn’t matter if it contains everything you want…just finish it. Put the pen to the paper, the fingers to the keyboard, and finish. Go back and edit later. I get so stuck in rewriting certain segments that I get bogged down and never finish a book. I need to work on being able to tie up a story, and then worry about polishing it.

I would love to look at something I had written and say, “Yep, I did that. I finished writing a book.” I’m not sure I would ever send it to a publisher, but who knows? The world is my oyster, as the saying goes, and I can do anything I want. I just need the drive and the discipline to make it happen. I know that I have it in me, it’s just making the time for yet another commitment.

I should like very much to attempt to write both a fantasy adventure and a real-life tale. I would push myself to do the latter only for the sake of branching out of my comfort zone. My Mom also suggested that I write a book on grieving. I think this might be a beneficial exercise for me, to catalogue my pain and give words of advice to those going through the same thing, and also to the people who are in their lives.

This summer (after I finish yet another class), I’m going to put the pedal to the metal and finish one of the books I’ve started. I currently have around five skeletons of stories, and a trilogy. I think I’ll work on completing book one of the trilogy, and possibly one of the other stories as well. Then I’ll go back to school and work full time in the fall, and maybe work on another section of my works over an extended break, like Christmas. My goal is to have everything that I’ve started finished by the time I graduate with my teaching degree. Maybe after I get my own classroom, I’ll feel confident enough to send one of them off for review. Who knows?

So, classmates, if you have a projected started, make the time to finish it. It helps you feel accomplished, and as though you can do anything you set your mind to. Yes, it’s hard to find time in our busy schedules, it’s hard to balance work, school, and family, but the time to do the things that inspire us is now. Don’t put it off, or you’ll end up regretting it later.

Namarie, my fellow hard-workers.

~K~

Free Writing Day 11

Valentine's Day, and Trees

2/14/15

Today is Valentine's Day. I am blissfully single. No, really. I couldn't be happier with that fact. I have seen too many people who settled just for the sake of "being with someone", and they're miserable. I am patient enough to wait for someone I deserve, and who deserves me...I'm not going to throw away my happiness because society judges me for being single.

That being said, I had a wonderful day with my parents. We had gone up to Bennett Spring State Park yesterday, and we were just enjoying the beauty. It's amazingly peaceful and relaxing to be completely away from the city and the noise. I'm getting ready to gleefully kick them out the door and send them to a romantic dinner so that I can have some alone time. Bad movies, Backstreet Boys, wine, and video games, here I come!

All morning, I was surrounded by trees. Trees and silence. It was spectacular. I can't even really find the words. I am so busy and stressed out this semester, I desperately need that time away from it all. I am an extremely introverted person, and so being able to disappear into the woods and not see or hear another person for half an hour was the perfect recharge. I came home feeling totally refreshed and ready for next week.

Sometimes I think about moving to London...then I realize that I would actually want to move to a smaller town near London proper, so I could be away from people and near trees. I know, I know...social contact is necessary for survival, but I only need small doses!

I hope everyone has had a nice day today. I hope you got to spend time with someone you love, be it a romantic partner, family, or friends. Make sure you tell the people you cherish that you love them whenever you can...don't wait for a commercialized holiday in February! <3

Namarie, compadres.
~K~

Free Writing Day 10

Vampires

2/13/15

This week, I bought myself a copy of “Dracula Untold”. It’s just another in the long string of vampire movies I have come to love. I have read Bram Stoker’s “Dracula” several times, and have watched so many films, I’ve lost count. My absolute favorite vampire movie is Bela Lugosi’s “Dracula” from the 1930s. I compare every other vampire movie to this one.

I prefer the vampires to be creatures of darkness, as they were in the original novel and old legends. The notion of romantic vampires was odd to me, until I saw Gary Oldman’s version. It showed the other side of the monster…the part that had once been human. He was still this terrifying, evil creature who devoured the innocent, but he was also a man whose broken heart had led him down that path.

I like the Twilight books. I read New Moon in one night (I was up until 3:00 in the morning!). Yes, it’s geared for an eighth grade audience. Yes, it’s full of crappy relationship advice and sappy moments, and yes…the vampires are the objects of desire instead of fear and loathing, but it was cute. I’m personally “Team Jacob”, because if someone who claimed to love me left and caused me that much pain, I could never forgive them. I know myself well enough to accept this fact. The werewolf would win.

When I was a kid, I used to wonder what it would be like to become a vampire. I thought it would be cool to live here forever, to be a creature of the night, to live in darkness. I thought it would be cool to be pale (I already fit that bill), to be considered an “other-worldly” beauty…to be powerful. As I grew up and started experiencing the true horrors of the world, I began to realize that living here, like this, forever…it was not something I really wanted. I still watch vampire movies with the same zest and zeal as I always have, but I no longer think it would be fun to be one. I don’t mind getting older, I don’t mind the idea of dying someday. It’s part of a natural process, and while it’s intriguing to consider bypassing it, at the end of the day I would always choose mortality…even if Frank Langella came up in his vampire garb and offered me otherwise. =D

Namarie, night creatures.

~K~

Free Writing Day 9

Tonight, as I was letting myself daydream about chapters I want to write in my novel, I was struck by how much a certain song or type of music can influence what you write. For example, when I listen to “Two Steps from Hell”, I think of fierce battle scenes, full of heroics and terror. When I listen to Phillip Wesley, I think of sad, mournful characters facing some hardship. When I listen to specific soundtracks, I think of certain kinds of characters. Listening to the soundtrack from “Only Lovers Left Alive” makes me think of vampires, listening to anything by Howard Shore makes me think of the Tolkien-based movies.

I always write more effectively when I have music playing in the background. That being said, I can’t listen to music with lyrics, or my inclination is to sing along rather than to write. I do much better with faster-paced instrumental pieces. I struggle to write without music. Actually, I struggle to do a great many things without music, from housework to homework. I have spent so much of my life listening to music, that it is a vital part of who I am. I always have music playing in my head, and so it’s better to have it playing externally instead, I guess.

I know there are studies that show you can’t focus as well with music or other distractions, but I don’t think this is the case for me. For example, I am typing rather fast right now, and I have a very quick-paced piece of music playing in my headphone.

I feel like I’m rambling. Oh well! I’m exhausted. I suppose a bit of rambling is to be expected. On a bunny trail…I like to type with my eyes closed. I spend so much time attached to this keyboard, it’s nice to know I have the keys memorized.

I’m glad tomorrow is only a half-day of work. I can get more homework done, and hopefully listen to some new music while I’m at it. Does anyone reading this have any suggestions?

~K~

Free Writing Day 8

Teaching Multiplication to the “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”

For the past couple of weeks, I have been teaching a group of students their multiplication tables. We’ve made it up to the fives, and after each set, we’ve been filling in a blank chart to reiterate the lesson. Today, while we were filling it in, 0-5, I began to remind them that they could use this chart as a reference if they weren’t sure of an answer. “Have you guys seen ‘Star Wars’?” I asked, to which I got a resounding “No!” (Disappointing, but what can you do?). So, as I was wearing my “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” shirt (the old school cartoon ones, not the new CGI guys), I said, “Ok. In ‘Star Wars’, they say, “Use the Force, Luke!” Since you guys have never seen it, how about if I say, “Use the chart!” It was then that one of the students said, “Oooo! You can give us turtle names. We can be team turtle!” So, they each picked their favorite turtle. It worked out perfectly, because they gave me the name Donatello, and he happens to be my favorite ninja turtle. The main teacher was given the nickname “Master Splinter”, and unknown multiplication problems were given the name “Shredder” (for those who don’t know, he’s the main bad guy of the stories). For the next fifteen minutes, I would ask them a multiplication problem by saying, “Ok Michaelangelo, use the chart and tell me what 6x5 is!” They found this to be very exciting, and I feel like it will help make the times tables stick in their minds.

It’s moments like this that make me want to continue on and finish my teaching degree. I love it when the figurative light bulb goes off over their heads!

Free Writing Day 7

Overwhelmed and Frustrated

I feel like I’m just keeping my head above water. This semester is tough. So much stuff going on at work, and the work load in school is only getting bigger. I feel like I never have enough time to rest, and I wake up every morning wishing it was the weekend so I could sleep until 7:00 or 8:00.

I am frustrated for feeling this way. I am the one who chose to take this many hours while working full time. I know I can do it, and I know I’ll make it, but I feel bad for feeling bad. It’s a vicious cycle, folks.

I can’t focus very well tonight. Every little thing is distracting me. I’m multi-tasking by watching an episode of “Britain’s Biggest Hoarders” for another course, so I’m sure that’s not helping. We all think we’re hoarders until we watch an episode of a show like this. I understand how easy it can be to let the hoarding happen. We have way too much stuff, and so much of it has sentimental value…it’s hard to let go of things without hoarding disorder to boot. I think the people who take the time to help the hoarders sort through their belongings are remarkable. I just heard the term “professional de-clutterer”. What a job to have!

And I’m back to feeling stressed. I have so much reading to do, plus five papers, discussion boards, and blogs this week. AHHHH. If anyone knows of some good ways to get rid of stress, please share!

Namarie,

~K~

Feeling What You Feel (Free Writing Day 6)

2/9/15

I had a great conversation over the weekend with a friend who lives far, far away in New York. I was having a rough day, missing my brother even more than usual, and posted something on social media about it. My friend wrote to me, sent me Mariah Carey songs, and encouraged me to feel what I was feeling. He told me to not let anyone tell me what I was feeling was wrong, or that I should be better by now. He reminded me that the pain is the testament to how much I love my brother, and that can’t possibly be a bad thing.

Conversations like that make me want to write a book to teach people how to relate to their friends who are grieving. Grief is a life-long process. I will never be over the death of my brother, nor should I be. There is no magic number for the passage of time that will make me “ok”. My life has been changed, and the new me is just as good as the old one. Yes, I get super sad some days. Yes, I just want to lay in bed and be depressed, but I make myself get up and function. I make myself go to work and give 150% to the kids, and then come home and fall apart. And you know something? There’s nothing wrong with that. Not one thing. My friend reminded me that I should focus more on taking care of me, and not worry what others think, that I should cling to that pain and that love, because it’s a part of who I am.

Never tell someone who’s grieving that their loved one is in a better place, and they should be happy about that. Seriously. First, they may not believe the same way you do, and second…that is cold comfort. Yes, I believe my brother is in Heaven…but I want him here with me. I want my parents to be whole again. So yeah, he’s better off, but we’re not, and the reminder hurts. I know it’s given in a good spirit, but it’s not as helpful as you might think. Please don’t say, “They would want you to…” whatever. Again, that’s good-spirited, but the simple fact of the matter is that our loved ones would understand the days where we collapse under the weight of their loss. I choose to believe that it would be the same if the situation were reversed.

I know that this can come across as rude, or ungrateful, but please believe me when I say that’s not the case. I love each and every one of my friends who just wanted me to be ok. I get it. It’s awkward, and you’re so desperate to say the right thing, that you end up falling back on sayings that have been around forever.

It’s ok. Just try this. In truth, one of the best things you can say to someone who’s grieving is, “I don’t know how you’re feeling. I won’t pretend like I do…but I’m here if you need me.” Which is, by the way, what my sweet New York friend told me in closing over the weekend. Once you’ve said those magic words, just be there. Offer a hug, or a cup of coffee…just something to show your love and support. I promise that will mean so much more than cliché words.

Free Writing Day 5

2/8/15

I was thinking today (as I played “Lego: Lord of the Rings” and began reading The Two Towers again) about the “This I Believe” essay a classmate shared, entitled “Frodo Lives”. I was so moved by reading that essay, because there, on my computer screen, was a person who got it. I have often felt weird and alone in my love for Tolkien’s trilogy, because none of my friends truly love it as much as I do. I’m not even sure my parents love it as much as I do, and that’s saying a lot, because they are HUGE Tolkien fans. Other “fandoms” reside here, but for me, Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit are the be all, end all.

For me, the Lord of the Rings trilogy is a way to escape. I can read those novels, and I can be an elf, or a ranger, or a hobbit. I can be a larger-than-life character. I can be right there beside the characters I have loved since I was a child. I cry every time Boromir dies (spoiler alert), I weep with Frodo near the end. I feel my heart racing and the strength and bravery of Eowyn as she faces an unmitigated evil, in a world where men are the warriors. She stands there, alone (except for a small hobbit nearby), and challenges the second most villainous creature in Middle Earth, all in defense of a family member. WOW. 

It is a series that moved me more deeply than any other has been able to, and I’ve read a lot. Many of them are great, but none of them leave me daydreaming for days on end.

I love the movies. No, they do not stick to the books at all, and the director destroyed the essence of many of the characters, but to see a work that I hold near and dear to my heart up on the big screen is amazing. No, the actors aren’t always what I pictured, but some of them are spot on, and the places…oh the places. Whenever the music for Rivendell comes on, and I see that Hidden Valley, I cry. Not ashamed to admit it. I get teary eyed, and think that’s what Heaven must be like. Side note, maybe Heaven is different for each person. Maybe Heaven looks like whatever makes you happiest. If that’s true, then when I get to see my brother again, Middle Earth will be overrun with Spartans from the “Halo” series!

I know it’s common for people to assume that when someone loves fantasy that much, they must have issues. Well, I really don’t. I have a firm grasp on reality, but it’s nice to travel to Middle Earth every once in a while. I never get tired of reading the books. I haven’t been able to watch the movies since my brother died (we were all watching “The Fellowship of the Ring” together the night before he passed away), but I watched them so much in the six years before that happened that I have parts of it committed to memory. And there’s always “The Hobbit” trilogy! I am very excited for the DVD release of the third film, and you’d better believe that this Tolkien nerd will be having an all-day marathon. I might even dig out my elf ears from the release of the second movie, and wear them while I watch.

Namarie, mellon nin. ~K~

Free Writing Day 4

2/7/15

Weekends and Vacations

It’s Saturday. Hallelujah. I love the weekend. I can relax, focus on school, and spend time with my parents. I love being the first one awake, and being able to sit and sip my coffee in silence. Later, I’ll probably cook breakfast, then dive back into my textbooks. Today is my day to make myself do something fun, be it reading, writing, playing Minecraft, or going to the bookstore. It’s hard to really stop working. Even on the precious weekend, I find myself thinking about next week at work, wondering how the kids will be, what Thursday will be like (class parties, woohoo!), etc. To make myself shut that off, to truly jump into my free-time stuff…it’s hard!

How many of us actually enjoy our time off? I was thinking about this last night. So many weekends, I find myself cramming the hours full of “things to do”. Why? Why do we need to fill our empty time? Why don’t we, as human beings, feel comfortable with that “quiet time”? Maybe it’s because we’re not comfortable with our own thoughts. I know I struggle with this sometimes. I need something to distract me from what my brain is trying to think. I’m thinking of vacations here, too. So many years, we planned vacations jam-packed with activities, and returned home more exhausted than when we left. Why? I like the way we do vacations now. We go somewhere, and plan one activity per day, but the rest of the time, we just hang out. We relax, watch movies, go for drives, whatever. It’s much more rejuvenating than an “EPIC!” trip. Maybe I’m just getting old (hahaha), but I prefer calm and easygoing than frantic rushing around trying to see all the sights. Make more than one trip to a destination, make several. See the tourist attractions, but spread them out over your lifetime.

Always take books on vacation. Take a reader, take a bag full of real books. Most of my luggage is usually books…I take one from each genre, just in case. Why? Because vacations are for staying up late, and reading until the sun comes up. I took “To Kill a Mockingbird” on a vacation when I was in middle school, and read it on the way there, while we were there, and again on the way home. I couldn’t put it down…it was amazing, and it required several readings. I have books in my purse, books in my laptop case, books in my clothes bag. I know it sounds weird to take that many books on vacation, a time when you’re supposed to be going out and doing, but I love to have a plethora of choices when we come back to the hotel room.

Speaking of vacations, I can’t wait to add London, Scotland, Italy, and Germany to the list of places I’ve seen. I want to get out of here, I want to travel the world! I feel like Belle from Disney’s “Beauty and the Beast”…”I want adventure in the great, wide somewhere, I want it more than I can tell. And for once, it might be grand to have someone understand…I want so much more than they’ve got planned.” Viva la relaxing vacations!

Free Writing Day 3

2/6/15

Tonight, I went to the store to get some cold medicine for my sick parents. While I was there, I browsed through the Valentine’s aisle…you know, the one that looks like the holiday vomited on the shelves, and saw something that annoyed me greatly. There was a mug that said, “This mug belongs to an intelligent, strong, wonderful man.” I was really excited, thinking that there would be one that said the same thing, but for women. Nope. The one for women said, “This mug belongs to a pretty, generous, chic woman.” While it’s nice to be considered “generous”, I’d like to think that women are worth more than their outside appearance.

Why do things for women focus on society’s standards for beauty, fashion, etc? Why is the idea that a woman can be intelligent and strong not worthy of being put on a mug? It is beyond irritating to me. I am more than a female body. I read, I write, I have educated political debates with friends, I discuss philosophical ideas with my family. I laugh at fashion magazines, I scoff at most beauty products (seriously, those are fake eyelashes in the mascara commercials). I like to put on a lot of eye makeup every once in a while, but it doesn’t matter one way or the other.

I’ve liked things that “girls shouldn’t like” since I was a kid. I watched Power Rangers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Gargoyles. Yes, I watched Sailor Moon and My Little Pony as well, but I never wanted to be left to just one set of things. I dressed up as Storm for Halloween as a kid, but last year I dressed up as Castiel from “Supernatural” (I have a serious crush on that angel, and I found a trench coat at a garage sale for $2).

I see girls in school who feel like being a living Barbie doll is the best they’ll ever achieve, and it makes me sick. Yes, we’re moving forward (slowly but surely), but until we stop seeing people as “female refs” “male cheerleaders”, etc…we’re never going to move past stereotypes. How about if we focus on the fact that we’re all people? Why can’t I have a cheap mug that celebrates my intellect over society’s stereotypes? Why are we still teaching our young girls that if they don't hide their natural beauty behind excessive makeup, if they don't giggle over shoes and fashion and hot guys, they're not worth anything? Why do we build up the intelligence and strength of men, but not women?

On a similar note, I bought myself a cool candy heart that said, “I *heart* me. Happy Singles Awareness Day!” It was awesome. I am blissfully single, enjoying the fact that I’m focus on my family, school, and my career. I don’t have the time or the inclination to deal with the stress associated with Valentine’s Day. Hooray for singleness!

Free Writing Day 2, AKA "Jumbled Mess"

2/5/15

Tonight, I have writer’s block. I can’t think of something that strikes me as “meaningful”, so I think this will be a rambling free write. Rambling. I wonder what the origin of that word is? Words. Words. Words. Words are wonderful things. I wish I knew more, I wish I had the recall I used to, the ability to feel like a walking, talking thesaurus. The last five years have made my brain so full and distracted that I have trouble coming up with the words I want at times.

I’m listening to the soundtrack from “Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers”. Music is such a profound part of my life. I listen to music whenever I can. I love dark, minor-chord filled pieces. I like dark, “angry” bands (Evanescence, Hinder, Korn). I don’t normally like light and happy things like Taylor Swift or The Beach Boys. That being said, I have a diverse taste in music. I’m just as happy listening to Gregorian Chants or Beethoven as I am to The Beatles or Shinedown. I love soundtracks and scores…especially things by Danny Elfman and Howard Shore. Danny Elfman. Whenever I think of him, I think of Tim Burton. He’s one of my favorite directors, although I’m not a fan of his “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”. I fell in love with Edward Scissorhands and Jack Skellington as a kid. I know, I know…I’m a weirdo. I’m proud of it.

I wish I had more time for reading. I miss being able to pick up something besides a textbook. I just don’t have time. I come home from work and do schoolwork for five hours, then I get ready for the next day and crash. I’m really looking forward to Spring Break, and I plan on staying off my laptop and off my phone, and reading like a crazy person. I hope to read at least four books, maybe more.

I can’t focus tonight. I’m just too tired. My sleep was broken by horrible dreams, and I had a hard time falling back asleep after each one that would wake me up. I can’t go to bed yet, because I still have so much to do for this week. I’m glad tomorrow is Friday. Weekends are nice, I can sleep in a little, and I only have to do schoolwork. I know this exhaustion will be worth it when I’m a teacher, and working on other degrees, but right now…I want to sleep!

Word count is really low, comparatively speaking. I’m not typing as fast as I normally do. Now I feel like Doug the Dog from the movie “Up”…”Squirrel!”. Sheesh. Dogs. My dog is adorable. He can be a pain in the booty, but he’s adorable. He always knows when I’m sleepy and down, and he’ll come over and demand to be petted. Silly goose.

Oh! New “Big Bang Theory” and “Elementary” tonight. I wonder if I’ll actually be awake to watch “Elementary” this week.  "Squirrel!" 

Know Your Audience Analysis

Upon reading and responding to all posts made in the “Know Your Audience” discussion board, I feel as though I have a better understanding of my classmates. I was, in all honesty, surprised by the response to my question, “Have you ever written a fanfiction?” In my small circle of friends, fanfictions are commonplace. We share ideas, mourn over what we should have thought of, and watch movies & read books with the occasional intent of adding our own flair to them. When I saw that only one or two of my classmates had written them (or even heard of them), I was flabbergasted.

As far as the questions posed by my fellow students, I completely expected the “Where would you go on vacation” and “What would you do with lottery winnings”. These are great questions, as they can give you insight into what motivates/is important to a person. There were a few unique and unexpected questions, including things like “What color is your attitude” (Ms. A), which band best fits my personality (R.L.), and which conspiracy theories I’m most interested in (T.C.). All of these questions made me pause for a moment, and consider things I had never really thought about before. To me, questions like these that are outside “the box” are awesome.

Based on what I learned from this experience, I plan to include more outside the box thinking, and plan to challenge my classmates with questions during our future discussions. I will look for things that are unexpected, while staying in the realm of the required, because (for those that posed such questions during the past board) such queries cause critical and in depth thinking, not simple rote answers. I believe that increasing our critical thinking and deep consideration will help us as writers, and so I hope to see more questions of that nature in the future.

~K~

Freewriting Day 1

2/4/15

I was really struck by a line from my choice for the “This I Believe” essay ("God is the Father of All Men") about doing things you love. I believe that doing things you love is incredibly important, and I don’t think most of us do it enough. We need to be aware of how much things we don’t love can drag us down and crush our creative souls. I know for me personally, working under another person, not being the one who can utilize their ideas and implement changes can be very frustrating. I reached the point a couple of years ago where I refused to offer any ideas for crafts, lessons, whatever, because I got tired of them being rejected due to the fact that I was “just the para”. I can’t wait until I have my own classroom, and can let my creative flag fly. I know that not everything will work, nor will it be feasible, but just to have the freedom to try, to be able to spread my wings and do what I love…that will be wonderful.

I love my family. I love them more than I can possibly describe in words. I do whatever I can for them, every single day. I know what it’s like when someone you cherish is ripped away from you, and I know what it’s like to feel like you failed, that you didn’t do enough for them. I know what it’s like to feel like you didn’t show them enough of that spirit of love. So my philosophy became this: Everything you do, do it in love, if possible. I do things for my parents because I love doing them, I love being able to help them and provide for them, just like they have all these years.

I love reading. I am a total bookworm. I walk into Barnes and Noble and feel right at home. I buy books because I love them. I read books from any and every genre, because I love them. I love reading, I love being transported to new places, I love reading history and learning new things. I am always in the middle of a book, because it is something I love.

I love to write. Why? Because I can express myself. I can let the things that inspire me, be it a book or a movie, drive me to create characters, to create worlds, to escape from reality. I can sit down with a notebook and a pen and write for hours on end, because it is something I love to do.

Learning. Sometimes I question why I want to earn as many degrees as I do, and then I remember. I love to learn. I love to read through a textbook and have my mind enhanced. I love to be able to discuss the things I’ve learned with family, friends, coworkers, whomever. I love the feeling of knowledge…I feel like I’m not quite as in the dark as I was before I took the class, read the book, etc. I suffer from extremely low self-esteem when it comes to my mind, and taking classes helps me feel more confident. I also love how it is impossible to learn everything. Even in a chosen field, things are constantly being revamped. Technologies evolve, theories change, and countries divide. I’ll never know everything, and that’s exciting. I will be able to learn my entire life, and that thought makes me happy.

I love working with kids. It’s why I went into education. I love seeing the lightbulb come on after working with a kid on something for weeks. I love when they own what you’ve taught them, and want to ask questions that take them deeper into the subject. I love the way my brain is engaged when I’m helping a kid to learn. “The Miracle Worker” is probably one of the most inspiring books and movies I’ve ever read. The moment when Helen Keller realizes that the finger spellings mean something, that things have a name…I cry every time I see/read it. I want to be Annie Sullivan when I become a teacher.

I love music. I should have never dropped out of my orchestral studies. Music touches my soul, and I love to play and listen to it. I should play my viola more, because it is something I love. When I play my viola, I feel alive. I know that sounds cheesy, but it’s true. As my fingers fly up and down the strings, the world melts away, and (again, cheesy) my heart sings with my instrument.

I’m going to make 2015 the year to find more things that I love. I’m going to do things that fill my heart with joy, because I can. 

C'est Mon Credo

Google the words to the Apostle’s Creed. That essentially sums up my religious views.

I love my family more than myself, I would do anything to protect them. I am never angrier than when someone hurts my loved ones, I have bitten the heads off of some of my closest friends in defense of family.

I believe in equality. No one is below your notice, everyone is important. Treat everyone with a certain amount of respect, unless they do something to lose it. I’ll trust you until you give me cause not to, then I’ll give you hundreds of chances…but the trust and relationship will ebb away a little more each time. I hate being overlooked by people who believe they are above me, for whatever reason. We are all on equal footing.

Special needs does not mean incompetent. Just because it takes a child with Down Syndrome five months of stubborn battles with their teacher before they will sign “Hello” to someone does not mean that they are incapable. Calling them “unteachable”, to say that they cannot achieve things because of their diagnosis is a sin. They may need more prodding, but they can and will achieve great things, if you set the bar for them. Expect them to be dimwitted and helpless, & they will not disappoint. Expect them to learn sign language, their colors, how to act around others, to read, to write….they will not disappoint. If I could, I’d shout this from the rooftops: Push them!

"I Believe" Free Write

“I believe that my brother watches over me from Heaven.”

My brother died in our living room the night before Thanksgiving in 2010. He was 18. He had just been diagnosed with Crohn’s disease in September of that year. He was changing his eating habits, his workouts…everything. He was in pain a lot, but that was ok, because I was there to take care of him. I was ready to change my entire life plan to provide for/care for him. I was willing to give up college, marriage, whatever it took to make sure he was never alone. Then he died. We are a family of Christian beliefs, so I always knew that he wasn’t really gone, he was just not here anymore. That doesn’t make it easier. It makes it painful. I want to be there, I want him to be here, I want this to be over. I can’t stop living, but I hurt all the time. I miss him. He was my best friend. We were more like twins in a lot of ways. I feel like that other part of me is missing. Sometimes I can feel it again, and that’s when I think he’s watching over me. He’s hanging out up there, seeing the things I’m doing with my life. When it snows, I know that’s William sending me my favorite thing. I love snow. He knows that, and he puts in a good word with the Big Guy Upstairs every once in awhile. I miss him. I miss him. I miss him. I would trade almost anything to have him here with me, so we could play another round of Halo: Reach. Maybe this wasn’t the best choice for the free write. It’s painful. And there it is. That sense of calm which makes me think he’s here, putting a hand on my shoulder and telling me it will be ok. Will it be ok? Really? Can it be ok here? I don’t know. It gives me comfort to believe that he’s up in Heaven waiting for us. That he can look down and still be a part of our lives, even if we aren’t always aware of it. I wonder what Heaven is like. I hope he’s willing to give me the grand tour when I get up there. I miss him. Everyday. Everyday. It doesn’t get easier. Sense of calm again. Sometimes I dream about him, and it’s like he’s telling me he’s ok, and that it’s going to be alright. I wish that was enough to get me through. I miss him. I hope it snows this weekend. It always makes me smile, and it always makes me think of my baby bro. I wish I could’ve saved him. You can’t stop a heart from short- circuiting. Better him go while we were all there than for one of us to come home and find him. I miss him. I miss him. It’s killing my parents. People think we should be better by now. You can’t get over this kind of pain. When someone is an integral and vital part of your life, you don’t get over them being ripped away. I wish I could’ve traded places with him. Big sisters are supposed to take care of their kid brothers. Stop that, you couldn’t do anything. And he would be sick and alone after Mom and Dad pass on. That doesn’t make it easier. So many emotions. It’s so hard to work through them. Why did I decide to do this for my free write? I miss my brother. He was such a good guy. He was smart and funny. He could always make me laugh, and if anyone hurt me, he was scary. The only times I’ve ever cursed where when he ticked me off. Oh, the joys of siblings. They are the most annoying things in life. But they’re also the best. I’m glad I got to be a big sister, even if it was only for 18 years. 18 years isn’t long enough. Not long enough. Not long enough. I wish I could make my parents happy again. I can’t even make myself happy. William was the bright spot. He kept us all young and goofy. That’s gone. I miss my brother.

Word Count: 714

I believe...

I believe that people are very creative, but they like to stifle it.
I believe that the sun will rise tomorrow.
I believe that my parents love me.
I believe that my brother watches over me from Heaven.
I believe that the Lord guides me when I let Him.
I believe that I am stubborn.
I believe that I am too nice.
I believe that the world is in a downward spiral.
I believe that people can be capable of great good in a crisis.
I believe that true friends are hard to come by.
I believe that social media is causing a shallowness of relationships.
I believe that our education system needs to be revamped.
I believe that people should focus on being parents first, and friends second.
I believe that there are many talented children who may never break out of the poverty cycle if they don't receive the right encouragement and guidance.
I believe that no one is below your notice. Not the poor, the uneducated, the young, the old...no one.
I believe that if you work hard, you can achieve whatever you want.
I believe that this exhausting semester will be worth it in the end.
I believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God.
I believe that music comes from and speaks to the soul.
I believe that words are not necessary for communication.
I believe that focusing on actions is more important that saying the right thing.
I believe that making a coworker feel invaluable because of their lesser education is wrong.
I believe that we need to watch BBC News more, because they cover the stories other media stations do not, or drop before they are resolved.
I believe that there will always be war and prejudice. They are part of the human makeup.
I believe that everyone is entitled to their opinion. Everyone.
I believe that I like typing.
I believe that I am an extreme bookworm.
I believe that I am a good daughter.
I believe that I am a good sister.
I believe that I will be a good educator.
I believe that I would be a good mom.
I believe that I am passionate, but it doesn't always show.
I believe I am a shy introvert with social anxiety.
I believe that dogs love unconditionally, and that we could learn a great deal from that.
I believe that parents (good ones) also love unconditionally.
I believe that being damaged can either make you empathetic, or make you unable to connect with others (or unwilling).

Jungian Typology

Your Type

INTJ

Introvert(78%)  iNtuitive(25%)  Thinking(38%)  Judging(89%)

• You have strong preference of Introversion over Extraversion (78%)
• You have moderate preference of Intuition over Sensing (25%)
• You have moderate preference of Thinking over Feeling (38%)
• You have strong preference of Judging over Perceiving (89%)

How Do You Want to Leverage The Type?

http://www.humanmetrics.com/hr/JTypesResult.aspx?EI=-78&SN=-25&TF=38&JP=89

     I found the Jung typology test to be extremely fascinating. I was an INTJ, with high preference in introversion over extraversion, and in judging over perceiving.

The type indicator was very helpful, as it went more in depth into traits of the various typologies. While I was reading through mine, I had several “Ah ha!” moments. For work, I prefer to be left alone with a task, and cannot stand interruptions. I also struggle with unpleasant feelings when a colleague doesn’t respect me as a fellow professional.

     

     There are many aspects of my INTJ personality that bleed into my life as a student. I don’t like group projects, I prefer to work alone, because I know I will meet the deadlines I set for myself, and will put off almost everything to finish what I start. When I do have to do a group assignment, I get very frustrated with people who don’t contribute as much as I do, or those who don’t stick to the plan and the time restraints. I know I have come across as bossy and tactless when doing something within a group, and it’s really just because I want everything to be planned out and done, and done early (if possible). I also do much better learning/working at my own pace, which is why I love the online classes. I am leaning towards WGU to complete my teaching degree, because it is available completely online.

      As far as writing goes, one of the things mentioned on https://thepurpleenglishteacher.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/intj.pdf was that INTJs need to accept feedback from people. This is a HUGE struggle for me. I don’t handle criticism well, I take it very personally, or I just ignore what someone says to avoid dealing with it. It’s nice to know that having this difficulty is just part of my typology. I found another line interesting, “Need to soften their otherwise firm statements”. Well, that’s just me in a nutshell. I don’t cut myself a lot of slack, and I have a hard time doing that with others, and that comes out a great deal when I write. I have to remember that (especially without tone of voice and facial cues) written words can come across more harshly than you mean them. I hope to work on that this semester, and be able to reel myself back from bluntness when writing.

      I really enjoyed taking this test, and it offered a great deal of insight into why I do things the way I do in work, school, and writing.

~Katrina~